Pray like you can’t save your kids and Parent like you can

My kids are growing up. This is filled with all sorts of emotions. Life presents new challenges and circumstances. This is true for any parent. But things are a little different for Christian parents. We actually believe that our kids are not Christians just because we are. Heaven is not an unalienable right like voting at 18. Our children have to actually come to terms with the God of the gospel themselves.

This presents an interesting set of circumstances for parents. We have a responsibility, a mandate even, to raise our kids in the ‘discipline and instruction of the Lord.’ (Eph. 6.4) We understand that in this same book the same Apostle says that prior to conversion we all are dead in sin, and apart from a supernatural work of God’s grace and mercy we would not follow Christ (Eph. 2.1-8).

So what do you do?

The Dangerous Trap
I think there is potentially a trap to step into here if we are not careful and thinking. If you believe that your children cannot be converted apart from God’s sovereign work of grace in their lives, you may become complacent in praying for them and actively ‘gospelizing’ them. We may begin to think that since they are unbelievers then what you do with the Scriptures and what you do on your knees is not helpful. This type of thinking is as dangerous as it is unbiblical.

The command to train your children is not contingent upon their receptivity. Parents (specifically Dads) do not have to ask to be the leader, they already are. And so therefore they are accountable.

“But wait…,” some might say, “how is God going to hold me accountable for something that I have no ability to accomplish myself?”

This is important to think through.

The Motivating Truth
You are right, you cannot save your children. But, God never called you to save them, he has called you to care for them. You are to shepherd their hearts with the word of God (Eph. 6.4; cf also Deut. 4.9; 6.7; 11.19). And you are to carry your cares of their salvation to the throne of grace for mercy and help (Heb. 4.16; 1 Pet. 5.7). It is this that you will be accountable for.

Please think through the horrible logic of being lazy in light of your children being unconverted and disinterested in biblical things. Your excuse then is that you are lazy because God is sovereign and they are sinners? The first thing I would ask any of my Reformed leaning friends is, “What are you doing about it Dad?”

So what do you do about it?

I can some it up in a sentence: Pray like you can’t save your children and parent like you can.

Be relentless on your knees for your children. Carry them to the throne of grace daily as you petition the sovereign and good God of the gospel for mercy. And also, be faithful to bring the Scriptures to bear in regular study, instruction and application in their lives. Have regular times of family devotions. But also, be sure to integrate the glory of God in all manner of life and thinking. Bring the matchless beauty of Christ to bear on everything that you can.

This is hard work. It is however, the work of faith, the work of dependence and the work of love. It is gospel work. It is Christian parenting. You are believing that God is merciful, that his word is powerful, and that he is infinitely valuable. We cannot afford to cling to lame and ill-conceived excuses when we are talking about such weighty things as the glory of God, our accountability before him, and the souls of our children.

So get to work, in the prayer closet and at the kitchen table; plead Christ to them and them to Christ!

—You may find these articles helpful:
Praying for Our Children
Some Help for Leading Family Devotions

Possibly Related posts:

1. Why Jesus is to be valued above all else, part iii :: because he was willing to save
2. Praying for Our Children
3. Married with 5 Kids, so I guess we are freaks?
4. The goodness of God & how it makes me pray
5. How to Exasperate Your Children

5 Responses to “Pray like you can’t save your kids and Parent like you can”

1. Jon says:

   February 9, 2010 at 11:59 pm

   The problem I see more than anything is parents who actively parent for to raise moral kids, but do little or nothing to raise gospel believers. That is a huge challenge in my mind. To raise children of the gospel, not just morality because parenting is so morally focused. that is why we are heavily emphasizing the metanarrative (biblical theology) at a young age. Knowing God’s story is more important than good grades and clean hands.
2. Amy says:

   February 10, 2010 at 7:23 am

   It means as parents that we must examine our hearts daily.If our hearts are not right before the Lord, we won’t be any good to our children. We must be on our knees before the Lord as parents relying on His grace confessing our sin daily so we can humbly live out what Christ has done in us. We must ‘live out” the gospel, it is not just lip service. Your children as they get older will begin to see if you live what you believe. Going to them, when you have wronged them seeking there forgiveness. Tell them that you struggle with the same sins, presenting the gospel to them, showing them there need for Christ and praying with them. Giving God the glory.It’s in the mundane, day to day living that is so practical. The Lord gives us as parents so many opportunities in a given day. Use them. Bring God glory today!
3. Joan says:

   February 10, 2010 at 7:51 am

   As a parent of young adults, I can relate to the struggle between raising moral kids and raising gospel driven kids – a balancing act to be sure.

   I confess that I prayed far too little for my children in their growing up years – most often doing so in times of fear that they would “go astray” – times when I was confronted with the fact that my mortal attempts at holding back evil would not be sufficient. How much better had I admitted my poverty before the Lord and pleaded for my children preemptively. May God forgive me.

   I guess it comes down to which (the gospel or morality) do we present foremost and whom do we really trust for our children. Do we trust God first in prayer and work as parents from that position of trust, or do we put the cart before the horse and labor in vain?

   A child who encounters the Jesus of the Bible will be transformed and moved toward morality.
4. Erik says:

   February 10, 2010 at 10:29 am

   Jon, I think your point is dead on. It articulates a lot of what I think is at work behind the scenes. But don’t you think that the morality of parenting is by in large a product of the ‘moralanity’ that has supplanted the message of Christianity? If the burden is truly the gospel then devotions, discipline and prayer are radically recalibrated. (this obviously translates beyond the home to the children’s curriculum, VBS, etc…)
5. Luke G says:

   February 11, 2010 at 5:21 pm

   Thanks…much needed.