How to Exasperate Your Children

Yesterday I preached on Colossians 3 and the way in which the new ‘house-table’ is to reflect the new humanity.  In the midst of the study I was deeply effected by the danger of exasperating children to the point that they loose heart, as verse 21 says.

By way of application I came up with a list of 12 surefire ways to exasperate your children:

1. Be a hypocrite
2. Be a bully to them
3. Be harsh to them
4. Be Emotionally Distant from them
5. Show Favoritism to Other Kids
6. Have Unrealistic Standards
7. Be Mr Question your kid’s salvation guy
8. Be Mr Assure your kid’s salvation guy
9. Don’t discipline them
10. Discipline them without biblical instruction
11. Don’t teach them the Bible
12. Don’t connect discipline to the gospel

Here is the rest of the sermon:  Living out the Gospel: Parents, Children & Workers

Possibly Related posts:

1. Pray like you can’t save your kids and Parent like you can
2. Q & A Friday :: What is a good way to do family devotions?
3. Married with 5 Kids, so I guess we are freaks?
4. Sleep and Babies: gifts to be enjoyed
5. Book Review: Preaching and Teaching from the Old Testament

11 Responses to “How to Exasperate Your Children”

1. Marie says:

   March 2, 2009 at 11:40 pm

   Are we not all hypocrites, though, at some points or others?

   Are we all not harsh, at least at times?

   Are we never to question our kid’s salvation, nor ever be assured of it?

   If our child’s salvation were dependent on our perfection, none of our children would get saved.

   I have found – and not all of my kids are grown yet, so forgive me if my advice is weak – that one of the strongest influences I can have on my child is to say: I was harsh, I was wrong, I was hypocritical, I have failed to teach you this Bible, I have had unrealistic standards – whatever my sin is at any given moment – and yet, Christ is none of these things. He is your Savior, I am His imperfect servant.
2. Matt Rouse says:

   March 3, 2009 at 12:50 am

   Thanks for these thoughts. My wife and I are adopting twin 5 year olds and this is great advice. I appreciate your ministry and your blog. Matt http://deustecum.com
3. Therese says:

   March 3, 2009 at 9:54 am

   I don’t think Erik is saying that our child’s salvation is dependent upon our perfection; in fact knowing him, I am confident he is not. What he is simply saying is that when we do the things listed above, we exasperate our children, causing them to lose heart. Every parent alive has done some (if not all) of those things. A Christian parent should and must apologize to their child when they blow it………….would that it would happen more often. It must be so grieving to God to see the harshness with which children are often “parented.” But praise to God for His undying faithfulness towards His children–both little and big!

   Thank you Erik for the reminder!
4. Erik says:

   March 3, 2009 at 10:34 am

   Marie, I’m not sure I understand your comment. Surely you would not be content to rest in your sin knowing the worthiness of Christ, power of new life, and the ministry of the Holy Spirit. This is just a list (aiming to be helpful) to remind Christians of the responsibility of being Christians. Surely you do not read the imperatives of the new testament and say, “Oh, Paul, are we not all harsh, angry, selfish, etc…” The point of Colossians is that Christ is supreme and therefore sufficient, and when he changes a life by his power, he does so radically…it is evident!

   If you listened to the sermon you’d note that one of the subpoints under this is “Never model repentance and confession before your children”. This only serves to frustrate them.

   Finally, if anyone’s form of theology is such that it unwinds the chords of responsibility from them to for their actions (ie with their children and causing them to loose heart) then it is in error. Not saying that this is all of what you are saying, but I just felt like it needed to be said.

   Thanks.
   Erik
5. How to Exasperate Your Children | The Sound of Forehands Clapping says:

   March 3, 2009 at 12:07 pm

   [...] Irish Calvinist shares some great thoughts on how to exasperate your children: Yesterday I preached on Colossians 3 [...]
6. Marie says:

   March 4, 2009 at 12:58 am

   Mea culpa, I did not listen to the sermon – I was just responding to your post.

   I am dismayed when I see parents, especially new ones, with an attitude of “I shall be perfect and thus my child shall be also.”

   I certainly don’t advocate being harsh, hypocritical, or any such thing. In a sense, we do reap what we sow.

   But if we truly reaped what we sowed, we would all be dead and our children as well. Grace must be acknowledged, that’s all I am trying to say. Trying to maintain a veneer of perfection is not helpful.
7. How to Exasperate Your Children « Strengthened by Grace says:

   March 4, 2009 at 4:04 am

   [...] 4, 2009 by strengthenedbygrace Erik Raymond shares 12 surefire ways to exasperate your [...]
8. Luke Gorsett says:

   March 4, 2009 at 7:19 am

   Saw you on challies.com. Word!
9. Latest Links | blog of dan says:

   March 4, 2009 at 6:04 pm

   [...] How to Exasperate Your Children [...]
10. Extra! Extra! 03-06-09 says:

    March 6, 2009 at 5:49 pm

    [...] How to Exasperate Your Children Erik Raymond, from the Irish Calvinist, came up with a list of 12 surefire ways to exasperate your children. [...]
11. How to Exasperate Your Children :: Erik Raymond « Reforming Students says:

    March 20, 2009 at 12:29 pm

    [...] Your Children :: Erik Raymond Posted on 20 March 2009 by Nick Kennicott Erik Raymond (AKA Irish Calvinist) posted an excellent list of ways to exasperate your children based on Colossians 3:21: 1. Be a [...]